What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
