the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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