why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
