she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.