He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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