FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?