What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
