Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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