Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
