apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There are leaves in my underwear?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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