Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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