Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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