i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
