im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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