Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
