wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
