wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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