see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
