Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
