she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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