he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
