Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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