I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
