We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
