3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
