I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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