So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
