What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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