its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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