I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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