Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
