If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How's work?
Spinning.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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