Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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