Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
