I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
