On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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