Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
