I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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