i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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