I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
