i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
