don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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