i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
tonight lets celebrate not being married
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
