Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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