At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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