White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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