Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
