i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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