It was confusing and full of hummus
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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