Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
