i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
