It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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