one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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