so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
