I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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