No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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