went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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