Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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