Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
